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The Halloween Princess Witch |
A long, long time ago there was a witch named Wicked who had compiled a pretty good resume when it came to witch stuff. According to her book, "The Witch's Guide to Witch Stuff," she invented the highly effective sleeping spell that put many a princess into a state of slumber that could last for decades if cast in just the right way. She also was instrumental in concocting the famous spell that could turn male royalty into tadpoles (which later was perfected to become the Prince-Into-A-Frog spell). However, she received all kinds of Halloween acclaim for her early witch work in the arena of suckering young Trick Or Treaters into following trails of candy into forests. This came to be known as the Hansel and Gretel Bait and Switch.
So when it came time to give out Best Halloween Trick awards each year, Wicked was a shoo-in. As guests feasted on pumpkin gourds and bobbed for apples, Wicked would accept her TRICKY (the award nickname) and then dazzle her fellow witches and warlocks with a sampling of new spells she was working on. And she was always a gracious winner, often thanking all the little people that helped her climb the latter of Halloween Witch fame. The funny thing was the little people were really little--her best friends and helpers were all gnomes.
As Wicked became more and more famous, she became busier and busier with all kinds of personal engagements and cemetery Grand Openings. On a typical day she might have to fly to London on her broom to inaugurate Plague Month and then zip over to Ireland to be Guest Speaker at a banquet for the Society for the Humane Treatment of Leprechauns. She was clearly a Halloween Witch in demand.
And then one day witch life as Wicked knew it changed. While she was experimenting on a new Eye of Newt potion, there was a knock at her front door. At Wicked's doorway stood a well-dressed Prince with very dry lips. He said he had been walking for some time and was wondering if the Fair Lady of the house had a flagon of water that he might use to quench his thirst. Obviously this Prince was a few cards short of a deck. Asking a witch for a drink is sort of like asking a gorilla for a bite of his banana. Surely such a request would lead to trouble.
Wicked couldn't believe her good luck. A sucker to test out her newest potion. How great. And she didn't even have to pose as the bonehead's grandmother. She quickly suggested he wet his parched lips with something better than water and handed him her Newt concoction. You would think the fact that the cup's contents was bubbling over would have raised a princely eyebrow, but this guy was about as suspicious as a tree stump.
And then something bizarre happened. Something twitched inside of Wicked. She couldn't go through with the trickery. Just as the prince was about to drink the potion and turn himself into a Hairless Ferret, Wicked knocked the drink from his hand. She was glad she stopped him, but was a bit unhappy that the potion burned a three foot hole through her favorite throw rug.
The Prince, thinking Wicked's actions a bit weird, quickly excused himself and ran for his life from the witch's lair.
Wicked tried to get back to being an evil witch, but she just couldn't get her mind off of the good looking royal guy. As Halloween was gearing up, she had loads to do but her work was lacking. For some unexplained reason instead of doing her normal poison apple mailers, she sent out Jell-O pudding pops. When hired to put a beautiful princess to sleep for a hundred years, she lost her concentration and just made the young woman super-tired and cranky. What was wrong with Wicked? Her Mirror-Mirror-On-The-Wall took one look at his boss and suggested it might be Love.
But how was a Wicked Witch ever to get a Prince so handsome and dumb to go out on a date? Sure she could whip up some kind of spell to cast on the guy, but his feelings wouldn't be real and the whole zombie-for-a-husband could get old pretty fast. That's when Mirror-Mirror put in his two cents. He suggested Wicked cast a spell on herself. She could make herself into a beautiful princess and sucker the Prince into falling in love with her. Wicked couldn't believe her ears. The idea was brilliant and it was a great excuse to get on that Atkins diet finally.
In no time Wicked got to work on a potion and by the next day had turned herself into a beautiful Prince. Oops, back to the drawing board. Add a little more Eye of Estrogen this time and… Poof! Wicked was a princess (although she still had a little unibrow thing happening).
Fortunately, that night the Prince was having a Grand Halloween Ball. Wicked quickly went out and got herself a gown (all she had in her closets was basic black), then changed a pumpkin into a chariot and was off to the King's castle. No sooner did she arrive, the Prince saw her in all her fake princessness and declared he must have this vision of beauty for his Husband. Once again I remind you, the guy was a few slices short of a loaf. In any case, the Prince and Wicked hooked up and a whirlwind romance began. They went everywhere together… the Royal Opera, the Royal Ballet, and even The Royal Queen's Beheading. Their days were carefree and fun.
All was going well until the one day when the Prince got a little miffed and asked if there was ever going to be a day when Wicked would go anywhere with her stupid broom. In her haste to become a beautiful princess, it seems Wicked had not quite severed all of her old witch ties. Normally, you would think that for everyone to live happily ever after, Wicked would dispense with her broom and ride off into the sunset with her handsome prince. Unfortunately for the Prince, a witch and her broom do not easily part. Wicked turned the doofus into a frog, moved to the West Side of Oz, and the rest is celluloid history.
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